Who Gives the Best Pep Talks? Total Surprise.

Who Gives the Best Pep Talks? Total Surprise.

For the most part, my kids hang together well. But other days I worry about whether they’ll be on speaking terms when they grow up. They bicker and taunt each other. They mimic one other until someone is yelling and slamming a door. Sarcastic comments have led to hurt feelings. They are not unique kids; they are American siblings. And I am always listening to my own inner voice that tells me when I need to intervene and when I shouldn’t. It’s a learning process for all of us.

Then – once in awhile – they surprise me completely.

Saturday, my 12 year-old daughter and I were in Pittsburgh for an Irish dance competition. She was tired because we’d gotten in late the night before, and after lunch she still had two dances to go when I told her:

“Don’t use up the tank on this third one. Save it. And then just give it all you’ve got for hornpipe.”

Hornpipe was the dance she wanted to win. She’d been dancing well all day, but this last dance was the one she needed to finish off her current level and move closer to becoming a champion.

“Mom,” she said, “You’re really bad at giving pep talks.”

“What?!!” I feigned surprise.

She smiled.

“You don’t want to hear from me?” I continued, knowing full well she really doesn’t, but by that exhausted point, I was clueless about what to say next.

“How about Dad? Does he give good pep talks?”

“Not really.”

“Huh. Who does?”

Then – shocker of them all – she mentioned her older brother.

“Really?!!? What does he say?” I couldn’t imagine a 15-year old being a font of wisdom.

Giggling for the first time in hours she said, “Stuff like, ‘Kick the dancer in front of you.’”

“Oh!” I laughed, “That would never occur to me.”

“Of course not, Mom! You’re you.”

She got in line for her third dance and I texted her brother, saying his words were needed.

Right away he responded with this.

I stared at my phone like it was the best Christmas present I’d ever received.

You are going to do great…I have faith in you…

Did I read that right?

I read it again. And again.

After she came back, I handed her my phone and told her to call her brother. She snatched it with gusto.

A few minutes later she returned, laughing and smiling broadly. Her brother’s encouragement strengthened the words of his text, and hearing his voice soothed her soul. Just like that – he had completely changed her day.

Parents are a family’s leaders. But we often feel sidelined, taken for granted, and forgotten. Most of our work is unseen. While we may ultimately be remembered for the jobs we dutifully perform to provide, to feed, to enable participation and so forth, we are seldom thanked for the even more important work we do: building character in our kids, and showing them how to forge relationships in their lives. 

When was the last time you heard a kid say, “Thank you for teaching me forgiveness and gratitude. I really love my sister/brother”?

Yet this is what we do, every time we speak to our kids about why we treat one another with respect and love, and why we expect them to behave with decency and goodness.

Instilling virtue in kids is like throwing cooked spaghetti at the wall. Do it enough and eventually a piece sticks.

Or so I keep telling myself.

It had been awhile since I’d seen a reminder that this was still truth.

My daughter’s hornpipe dance was absolutely beautiful – probably the best I’d ever seen her do it. And her smile and posture – my gosh….She was on fire with joy.

In the end, she got fourth place. Not the first she wanted, but she had no regrets and had made no mistakes. Judging is a little subjective, and she’ll get her first another day.

And on that day, her brother will be cheering for her while I root for the two of them, from the sidelines.

They are Yours…

Saturday night I received this photo from my dad via text message.

Then he wrote:

“Just left Seattle for 7 day cruise to Alaska. Our first real vacation since 2002….Have a great week!  We will!!” 

There was a party hat emoticon at the beginning of the message, and a smiley face at the end. I think it’s safe to say he and his wife were looking forward to this trip.

And at 8:15 last night as I was cleaning up the kitchen, I realized that at that moment, both my mom and her husband, as well as my mother- and father-in-law were flying over the Atlantic Ocean. One couple to Dublin, the other to Budapest. It’s my mom’s first trip to Ireland – place of her grandparents’ birth, and yesterday was my mother-in-law’s birthday. Great way to celebrate, right? Special days for two women I cherish.

I’ve known about these three trips for quite some time; they’ve been marked on my calendar for weeks. But having all three sets of our parents out of the Continental U.S. at the same time feels a bit strange. At 43, my husband and I are grown-ups (at least our kids think so), and we have been for awhile, but a part of me still wants to know that Mom and Dad can be accessed easily. If we need them. I know we are very, very blessed to still have all of our parents.  But knowing something doesn’t always protect you from your emotions. And with two sets above the Atlantic, anxiety started to rear its ugly head.

The churning inside only lasted a couple of minutes, as my mind started to explore the what-ifs. But I cut off the worries by reaching higher.

“Lord, I trust in You. I know You love them so much more than I do. Lord, I trust in You. Please keep them safe. Lord, I trust in You.” 

The peace which surpasses all understanding came, as He promises us it will when we put our faith in Him. And when my mind starts to get the better of me, I’ll repeat that truthful refrain.

Lord, I trust in You.