St. Paul Archives -

Day of Rest

May 17, 2015

When I really do what I’m supposed to do on Sundays – rest – I am deeply blessed.

Yesterday was a great Saturday. My husband and I chauffeured the kids to their activities – daughter’s piano recital, son #1’s Tae Kwon Do tournament, son #2’s soccer game. All good. But by the time we were home, the kitchen floor was scrubbed, two loads of laundry were done, miscellaneous debris from the week was put away, and I had sewn two patches on a Boy Scout uniform, I was ready for this:

And I was telling the kids, “Go get your own cheese and crackers. These are mine.”

We need down time to refill the wells within ourselves. If we don’t find a way to take care of ourselves, we’ll have nothing left to give to others. Which is why I woke up this morning, grateful that it is Sunday, and slightly thankful, believe it or not, for the ever-so-faint signs of a coming migraine.

After Mass, I did what my body demanded and took a nap. When I woke up, my meds had kicked in and the nap had done wonders, so I sat at the desk beside my bed and dug into the Bible study on Galatians that I’m currently doing with two close friends.

Shocker! In the still of this day of rest, the Lord had something to teach me!

Did you know that for the first 3 years after Jesus revealed Himself to Paul, Paul didn’t consult with the apostles? Instead, he went into Arabia and returned to Damascus. Remember, in that time, there were no Gospels. Paul was very educated in the Torah, but his knowledge of Christ was based first on his personal revelation – when Christ, manifest as a bright, blinding light, called out to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 9:4).

Foregoing contact with the apostles strengthened Paul’s reliance on and personal faithfulness to Jesus Christ alone. He simply couldn’t fall back on anyone else’s faith for inspiration. He relied on that lifeline of connection to God which promises us the same strength that Paul experienced – prayer. And Paul’s testimony changed the world.

Imagine if we all took this day of rest seriously.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

– Psalm 46:10

Day 15 – Keep Him Close

October 20, 2014

“I love you, Mommy,” he says as he greets me in the morning, still sleepy-eyed and warm from his bed. He wraps his arms around my legs and squeezes. I have to unwrap him to kneel and hug back. Hours later, after he’s the last to be picked up from school and we return home, amidst the noise of his older siblings clamoring through the front door ahead of him, dumping their backpacks on the floor and tossing their shoes to the side, he does it again. He stops me where I am, and wraps himself around my legs. “Mommy, I love you. I love you SO much.” And when I bend down to hug him, he’s puckered up for a big kiss – then gives two of them.

My youngest does this all the time. He is extremely affectionate with me, and always has been. At the advice of the nurses who said he was not breathing well, he spent the very first full day of his life outside the womb pressed to my chest, his skin against mine, listening to my heart. I often wonder if these precious hours set a precedent for our relationship, because our physical closeness is just…different somehow. As with all my children, I loved him from the beginning, and I will love him forever.

It is amazing to think that for a period of time, not more than five years ago, he was as physically close to me as two souls can get, but I was not aware of his existence. He had been conceived, but not yet discovered. His life was known only to his Creator – the genesis of the spark that created my son. My son simply wasn’t. And then he was. All the later steps of the biological process are just the dynamic unfolding of how a unique soul became encased in a body suited to this world. Scientists are starting to unravel the nuts and bolts of this code. But the true mystery of the entire world comes down to that one divine spark. A person isn’t. Then he is. And the only One there with him, is God.

Not long ago (relatively speaking), St. Paul stood up in a meeting in Athens and spoke to the people concerning the idols he saw in their city. One bore the inscription “To An Unknown God.” He explained to the crowd why their worship was incorrect – and far too limited.

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ — Acts 17: 24-28 (NIV)

God gave us life so we would seek Him and reach out for Him. We are the Lord’s offspring. Once we were closer than breath to only Him. And if I desire closeness to my dear sweet son, who was once closer than breath to me, I can only imagine how God must feel about those to whom he gave the gift of life.…

My son’s love means so much to me because he gives it freely. It is his choice. Our love for God is important to Him because we choose to give it – freely.

We are at Mass and the priest is preparing to consecrate the Host. I am kneeling, hands folded in prayer, when I feel little arms encircle my neck. In my peripheral vision I see my son’s lips coming and ‘SMACK’ – he plants a loud kiss on my left cheek. Oh – we’re supposed to be quiet here, right? Hmm. Awkward as it is at first, I actually feel more reverent, more joyful, more present to the Almighty now, because of this child’s selfless gift of love. In this uniquely holy moment, I smile, unfold my hands, wrap them around my son’s head, smell his hair, and quietly kiss him back.

Day 3 – Good from Darkness

October 4, 2014

I’ve been thinking more about good coming out of darkness today, because God can and will use any situation to bless His people. As I’ve reminded others since my stepsister died, St. Paul tells us in Romans 8:28 that “[W]e know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” It’s nearly impossible right now to see or imagine how that might happen when a baby stays and his mother goes on, so we must make the difficult choice to trust – sometimes one tiny moment to the next.

Just a couple years ago, when two events linked up in a timely way, I saw them as nifty “coincidences.” I’ll never forget that powerful moment in my Bible study when I told a story and called it a “coincidence,” and my group leader, a woman of great and gentle faith looked me straight in the eye and said in the most tender way, “I don’t believe in coincidences.” I felt convicted, and it changed my point of view from that very moment on.

So – goodness and darkness. Timely events. How does this fit into my life today? How does death fit into the wild cacophony of my blessed life? A husband I deeply love. A marriage that has endured enough to let us know that we CAN endure – together. Three healthy, happy kids. Good relationships with our families. Deep, abiding, heart friendships I can count on. It’s not a perfect life, but it’s definitely, abundantly, overwhelmingly blessed. We have scheduling problems because of the blessings.

Our beagle barks upstairs. Kids play loudly, laughing outside my door. Why now, Lord? What do you want me to learn in sadness? In darkness? Is there beauty in this tragedy, even now? Right now?

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb…

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

— Psalm 139: 11-13, 17

I consider again the bats of yesterday. Many fly about in the darkness not seeing at all. Yet their needs are met with resources provided for them through the infinite beauty of God’s design. They have both instinctual and natural assistance which create opportunities for their nourishment and growth every night. In literal darkness, God has a plan for them, and complete control of their lives. There is nothing hidden from God.

Therefore, in my life, I can trust that God has nothing malevolent hidden for me in my current darkness. He only allows it. He could turn on the lights anytime He wants. And he wants me to draw closer to him, to trust Him more in the midst of it. My Creator knows my innermost being down to a sub-molecular level. And as I have read and understood as Truth: “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5) Let this be retraced again and again onto my bruised heart.