Doing Ok? Reflect, and You May Find Out

Doing Ok? Reflect, and You May Find Out

Are you doing ok? Is this season – summer – going the way you’d hoped it would (so far)?

It’s taken me until mid-life to admit this, but I like my routines and have a difficult time when they’re changed. I become irritable. Sullen. Angry. And eventually, I’m sort of numb to those around me. Even I don’t want to spend time with me.

This came to my attention last week when I was snapping at my kids and husband hourly, and I finally realized that my days were looking dramatically different than they did just weeks ago. I needed to make a few changes to give myself some self-care over the summer months.

Renewing my commitments to daily prayer and Scripture time, talking through my feelings with my husband, doing a bit of exercise, and making an effort to see my friends went a long ways toward improving my mood. But so did one other thing I’d like to recommend: a gentle period of reflection.

Let me admit up front that I am not an expert in reflection. I’ve contemplated various periods of my life and written about many experiences, but I’m not someone who sits down every few months or even once a year and asks, “What is the overarching message of my current life? What do I need to learn?”

But now that I’ve done this, I can see its value. Annie Dillard famously said in The Writing Life, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”

So, what are we doing with our time? Periodically asking seems sage. Maybe even necessary.

In Episode 84 of her podcast, The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman gives a great overview of how to do a reflection, and she encourages her listeners to start with the last 3 months. Using her questions as a guide, I recently reviewed April, May, and June. To trigger my memory, I reviewed the photos in my phone, my calendar, and a few of my to-do lists. You might try doing the same.

In the honesty of your own heart, ask yourself the following:

1) Which events were the happiest, most joyful, and life-giving for me?
2) Where did I experience disappointment, sadness, and fear?
3) What are my unresolved questions, both big and small, that bother me consistently?
4) Where do I use my time well? Where could I make better choices?
5) When I review my to-do lists, which things are consistently undone? Why are they undone?
6) What tasks make me feel most alive when I do them?
7) What small changes could I make that would imbue my life with more energy?
8) Can I ask God for the willingness to trust Him more in the areas where I need direction and help? How can I invite Him into my days?

If this exercise intrigues you, visit Emily’s site and dig deeper. My questions are very similar to Emily’s (because hers were great!) and in the same order, but they are far less comprehensive. She covers more topics.

We are here to live full, purposeful lives, but it’s difficult to do that when we’re rushing from one place to the next, meeting the demands of our days without drawing meaningful connections from our experiences. Take a little time to unwrap the gifts of the last three months; uncover the graces God has laid there for you.

4 Simple Ideas for the Happiest of New Years

4 Simple Ideas for the Happiest of New Years
Ringing in 2019 lasts all of January. It's where we set our intentions. What are yours? How will you spend this year?
Photo by Melanie Hughes on Unsplash

So, we’ve turned the corner into 2019 and none of us know what lies ahead. But I’ve been thinking there are a few things we can take from December 2018 that just might be of assistance to us in the months to come.

Here are four simple steps to creating a meaningful, rich year:

1) Do less. We’re back to work and school and other activities. But let’s not forget that some (if not all) of these “other activities” are ones we choose.

Yes, there’s grocery shopping to be done and birthdays to celebrate, but before we add another ‘to-do’ to our calendars, it wouldn’t hurt to ask: “Do I really want to _______? Am I doing it to please someone else? Out of a false obligation? Is it good and true and helpful (to me or someone in my circle), or am I doing it in a vain attempt to create a favorable impression?”

Over the holidays, I cut a few things out.

I dropped the idea of a family outing to see Christmas lights.

Didn’t force us all to attend an Advent evensong service.

Nixed my plan to make quiche on Christmas morning, since pancakes and scrambled eggs were good enough.

And the result? Less stress.

In each case, I considered my motivations and the potential benefits and chose a quieter, simpler path of peace for myself and my family.

A long time ago, a friend of my husband’s said, “I’ve been a lot happier since I stopped doing things I don’t want to do.”

Yes. Couldn’t have said it better.

2) Rest more. In the week between Christmas and New Year’s my family has done a fair amount of sleeping. I believe we all needed it. Your life and mine are probably very similar, and sleep often goes by the wayside.

But again – we can choose to make rest a priority.

It doesn’t have to mean 8 hours a night (though my experience tells me – and science backs it up – that reaching this goal consistently makes a world of difference). It DOES mean taking time out to put our feet up, read good books, snuggle with our spouses, play board games with kids, and laugh.

You probably did all of this over the holidays and felt some rejuvenation. Keep it up.

3) Spend time with loved ones. This may seem related to point number 2, but it is actually a category unto itself. In December, many of us traveled great distances to see loved ones, carved out time to spend just with them. But I wonder: How will we maintain those connections in 2019?

What if – instead of scrolling through Facebook or Instagram – we spent 20+ minutes talking to one of those special people on the phone?

What if – instead of sitting on our couches watching the Today Show or a sitcom – we had a weekly date to meet a friend for coffee or a walk in a local park?

I know where I waste time daily, and I bet you do too. Let’s choose people over technology. However much those screens add to our lives, the people we know add infinitely more, don’t they?

4) Pray and/or meditate. Did you go to a house of worship over the holidays? Why? Perhaps it was an obligation. You went because that’s what the family does. But how did you feel when you went? Even if you hated it, you went, and I would submit that’s because there’s a deep desire within each of us to connect with Something Greater.

And – I think arguing against this is a strenuous exercise in pushing back against what is.

So acknowledge your curiosity. Explore the possibility. Ask the big questions.

Give your soul the benefit of prayer or meditation. Let it reach out to see What and Who is there.

You WILL be met.

Thank you for reading this. Together, we can embrace the new year with hope and love. I pray for countless blessings for you and yours in 2019.