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A Book Worthy of Your 2019

January 2, 2019October 9, 2019

"True You" by Michelle DeRusha - helping you uncover your most authentic self in 2019. — “True You” by Michelle DeRusha. Available at all fine booksellers, including Amazon.

It’s early January, and as I sit next to our Christmas tree (which I don’t want to take down!), I’m considering goals for the new year and the wisdom I’ve received in reading “True You” by Michelle DeRusha. If ever there was a book about new beginnings, about starting again, this is it.

While sitting on a bench in a quiet space, a question presented itself in Michelle’s mind: “Why do you have trouble with intimacy?” (p. 45) I read the question she’d heard as an invitation, but one I personally wouldn’t want to accept. “I don’t have trouble with intimacy,” I thought, “I have good relationships.” But then I read this gem of a book, and decided I could use some more spiritual pruning in this area.

By likening the process of spiritual growth and a closer relationship with God to the Japanese gardening technique of “open center pruning,” through which a tree’s most beautiful elements are retained and all that detracts from it are cut away, Michelle takes her readers on a voyage of discovery and reflection. She encourages the routine practice of sitting quietly and listening carefully for God’s voice. Bigger and more powerful than our wildest dreams, God has planned a fullness of life for us, unhindered by our egotistical desires or our inclinations toward idols. These things separate us from the person God created us to be. By allowing ourselves to be “openly pruned” we can find our truest selves.

Each chapter features thoughtful reflection questions to help us uncover the myths we tell ourselves, and to move our souls toward deeper friendship with God, who wants only the best for us. As we honestly consider our values and motivations (both good and bad), we participate in our own journey of healing. Michelle understands this discovery process is hard, and shares her own anecdotes and observations to confirm our experiences as we go. “[I]n spiritual transformation, as in gardening,” she writes, “there is no fast and easy remedy. There is only patience, perseverance, and faith in the process” (p. 164). Our efforts and willingness to open ourselves to God’s love and mercy is rewarded by God’s revelation of our gifts, and the life-changing realization of our real identity.

“Your identity comes not from what you do, but from who you are in God,” she affirms (p. 194). Figuring out who we are in God is life’s most worthwhile endeavor, and I encourage you to start on this process of discovery for yourself with the help of this enchanting, approachable book as a guide. Michelle DeRusha found a richer, more meaningful life, and I believe you will, too.

*I received an Advance Reader Copy from Baker Books in return for my honest review. Pick up your copy of “True You” here on Amazon.

Actually, Chivalry Is Not Dead – I Saw Proof This Morning

October 7, 2016October 15, 2018

In downtown Annapolis this morning, I watched a young couple stroll out of a residential neighborhood and turn a corner onto a busier street. Just as they rounded the bend, the man dropped the woman’s hand and passed behind her, only to take her other hand and realign himself street-side as they continued along.

‘Well done,’ I thought.

I’m not sure your average American man today knows the unwritten gentleman’s rule that a woman should walk on the “protected” side, away from the street, while the man walks along the gutter side, acting as shield for her from unpleasantness such as puddles, cars, and historically – horses and carriages. If he does, he often ignores it. But it’s a very nice gesture, as are others which include opening doors for ladies, holding umbrellas over them, and going out to retrieve the car and bring it back around in bad weather.

One might think these chivalrous courtesies died out with the the feminist movement, but in some circles they do persist and for that I am grateful, because their roots are not in fact based on the false idea that women are inferior, but are instead based on the Truth that women are worthy of honor and respect.

In an article for The Atlantic called “Let’s Give Chivalry Another Chance,” Emily Esfahani Smith explains this by referencing an acclaimed professor in Baltimore and a woman who describes herself as an “equity feminist.” Here is a particularly interesting passage:

“We should have a clear notion of what chivalry is,” argues Pier Massimo Forni, an award-winning professor of Italian literature and the founder of the Civility Institute at Johns Hopkins. “It was a form of preferential treatment that men once accorded to women generations ago, inspired by the sense that there was something special about women, that they deserve added respect, and that not doing so was uncouth, cowardly and essentially despicable.”

Chivalry arose as a response to the violence and barbarism of the Middle Ages. It cautioned men to temper their aggression, deploying it only in appropriate circumstances—like to protect the physically weak and defenseless members of society. As the author and self-described “equity feminist” Christina Hoff Sommers tells me in an interview, “Masculinity with morality and civility is a very powerful force for good. But masculinity without these virtues is dangerous—even lethal.”

Chivalry is grounded in a fundamental reality that defines the relationship between the sexes, she explains. Given that most men are physically stronger than most women, men can overpower women at any time to get what they want. Gentlemen developed symbolic practices to communicate to women that they would not inflict harm upon them and would even protect them against harm. The tacit assumption that men would risk their lives to protect women only underscores how valued women are—how elevated their status is—under the system of chivalry.

A story from the life of Samuel Proctor (d. 1997) comes to mind here. Proctor was the beloved pastor of Harlem’s Abyssinian Baptist Church. Apparently, he was in the elevator one day when a young woman came in. Proctor tipped his hat at her. She was offended and said, “What is that supposed to mean?”

The pastor’s response was: “Madame, by tipping my hat I was telling you several things. That I would not harm you in any way. That if someone came into this elevator and threatened you, I would defend you. That if you fell ill, I would tend to you and if necessary carry you to safety. I was telling you that even though I am a man and physically stronger than you, I will treat you with both respect and solicitude. But frankly, Madame, it would have taken too much time to tell you all of that; so, instead, I just tipped my hat.”

My husband, sons, other men in my family, and that young man this morning, have all shown me – that there are still some men who are ready and willing to defend women – the ones they know, and the ones they don’t. That’s good news to me.

Will the Real Captain America Please Stand Up?

October 1, 2016October 15, 2018

The man in the suit wagged his finger between my white teenage son and the 30-something black man standing next to him in line at Jerry’s Subs.

“Hey!” he yelled, making us all jump, “Which one of you is the real Captain America?”

The two guys looked down at the stars on the t-shirts they were wearing with surprise, and at exactly the same time, they looked up and pointed at one another.

Everyone within a 10-foot radius got a good laugh out of that one.

And I got a glimpse of hope for this – Day One of my Month of Good News 2016.

Let’s back up for just a second and talk about who Captain America is. He’s a patriotic Marvel Comics superhero who first appeared in 1941 and often fought the Axis powers in World War II. As Wikipedia explains:

Captain America wears a costume that bears an American flag motif, and is armed with a nearly indestructible shield that he throws at foes. The character is usually depicted as the alter ego of Steve Rogers, a frail young man enhanced to the peak of human perfection by an experimental serum to aid the United States government’s efforts in World War II. Near the end of the war, he was trapped in ice and survived in suspended animation until he was revived in the present day. Although Captain America often struggles to maintain his ideals as a man out of his time with its modern realities, he remains a highly respected figure in his community….

I’d like to think that so many of us are ‘men and women out of our time’ living for ideals such as respect, dignity, equality, and freedom for people of all races, religions, genders, income, etc. Basically, Captain America could be any one of us, because we are all ‘Steve Rogers.’

And we have ample opportunities to be “Steve Rogers” (minus the experimental serum, thank goodness). Who hasn’t been in school, sat on a sports bench (or on a bleacher watching their kids), in a workplace, or in a community group within someone “different” from us by any one of the previously mentioned definitions?

I bet you can think of 5 people right now.

Now here’s the harder question – What did WE do to get to know them?

Are we all working for a nation that embraces our differences and cherishes what we have in common (which, I would submit, is so much more)?

Ask yourself – For every one of the people you just thought of – that you have in the past or do currently associate with – do you know…
Where they live?
Who they live with? (And some personal things about their family members? Those people’s names?)
Anything about their personal lives?

Let’s go further. Have you…
Invited them to your home in the last 6 months?
In the last month, eaten lunch or had coffee with them for a non-business reason?
Shared with them something personal about yourself? Allowed them to see you vulnerable?

These are tough questions. And they’re even tougher to act on if you’ve never stepped out of your comfort zone before.

But it takes intimacy to build trust – the kind of trust that tears down walls and replaces them with indestructible shields of love – tender hearts that are ready to help a neighbor in need at a moment’s notice.

The good news about two guys wearing Captain America t-shirts is that at our core we all believe in the values of American community because the human heart seeks Love and connection with others. Some of us are misled, and think we can forge our paths all alone, foregoing the brilliance and input of one another, but we know that’s wrong. The Truth of our inter-connectedness is always there, buried in the mess somewhere.

Let’s cling to that Truth. Let’s become Captain America. Each one of us. And cling to the Hope our forefathers had of a great nation. In God We Trust.

Warrior in the Rain

June 16, 2016

Photo by Ryan Wilson. Portland, Oregon. unsplash.com.

This morning I was reconsidering a post I started last winter and never finished. Sometimes that happens. I drift along, writing about a moment that captivates me, but then I’m not sure why I had been told to pay attention. The lessons we learn can be months – or years – in the making. Today, as summer dawns, I’m leaning forward to hear His whisper on this memory.

Cold rain pelted the colonial streets when I dropped my kids off at school this morning. 38 degrees and gloomy. I was turning left when a couple started to cross the road right in front of my car, walking a black Lab.

I saw her first. She was bundled up in a parka, hat, and scarf, and working hard to hold on to the pulling dog, who was giddy over his outing despite the weather, his tail whipping him into a full-body wag.

Then I looked at him. He was oddly serene – a dreamy, almost complacent expression on his face – and he had chosen strange attire. His muscles were lightly concealed by a t-shirt – and shorts! He held an umbrella over the woman, even as the driving rain splashed against his bare limbs. His gait was strong and steady, but ever-so-slightly unnatural.

Then I saw it – his prosthetic leg.

I assumed he was military, a warrior injured while serving our nation. But it could have been an auto accident or something else, of course.

Nevertheless, in the two seconds I studied his face, I saw resolve. Perhaps the kind that comes from having faced fear and done the next right thing despite it. Or from the hard work necessary to overcome a challenge you never thought you’d encounter.

Why was I directed to remember him?

Maybe because we all face obstacles to a smooth walk.

Despite my best efforts, I still struggle with comparing myself to others, fear of judgment, paralyzing perfectionism, and an inner critic who won’t shut up. When no one is counting on me, I’m also rather poor at time management and start projects I don’t finish. Then I worry that somehow these failings will become my legacy.

I could resign myself to these negative thoughts and let the foes of my spirit finish me. I could assume that I can’t improve my gait.

Yet I believe that God is pulling for me. His Word is replete with promises of His Love.

And He is sovereign over all – even over the various forms of darkness that plague my mind, creating muddy puddles on the sunniest of days.

He says,

…be transformed by the renewal of your mind…

-Romans 12:2

This is a command. To allow myself to be made better. To be made new. By Him.

Through Him I will find the long-term resolve I’m looking for.

My ability to walk naturally through life without fear or pain is directly related to my willingness to yield to His Love.

Can I yield a bit more today?

When You’re Trying to Measure Up

April 26, 2016April 26, 2016

I was at the gym yesterday (a minor accomplishment in itself), and I took a pure barre class. I think of it as “Ballet for Dummies and Non-Dancers.”

We didn’t have a barre on the wall; instead, we used folding chairs, balls, and elastic straps for balance and resistance. I hadn’t been there for awhile, and it showed.

The full-length mirrors made it possible for me to check my alignment (or lack thereof) during each exercise and, like three-way mirrors in department store dressing rooms, they dispelled any illusions I had about my physique. Further, the rubber bands we used proved that my arms are not as strong as I thought they were.

In short – I’ll just say there is work to be done. And I am loathe to do it.

But I made it through the class, vowed I would be back, and trekked off to the locker room to shower and get on with my day.

That’s when I heard her crying – a woman in the aisle of lockers adjacent to mine. She was on the phone, upset, and angry.

“I’m at the gym, God damn it!!” she said. “I’m trying!!”

I’m not sure what the conversation was really about. Whether it had to do with fitness or myriad other things. But I could tell her spirit was depleted. For whatever it was that was bothering her, she needed reassurance. She needed help in letting go of expectations – her own or someone else’s. She needed to know unconditional love.

This world would have us believe that we are measured by our output. That we have to perform every day. That these things determine our value. But that’s not the Truth.

We are loved beyond measure, simply because we ARE, by One who calls us “lilies among thorns.”

Today, as I tend to my sore spots, I will rest in that.

Are There Serpents in Your Garden?

April 25, 2016

I hate snakes. Really, really, really HATE snakes.

I know, I know. Not all snakes are bad. But when I come across one, everything in me recoils. And last week, I came across three. So I’m not feeling any intellectual “warm fuzzies” for them right now.

One was under a pile of dead leaves that I picked up – with my hands – while gardening. (Lesson learned. Use a rake.)

The next – a baby – crawled into the basement through the back door, which my husband had left ajar. (Open screened windows are OK. Doors? Not so much.)

The last snake startled me the most.

One of our hounds was sitting beside the backyard fence, howling at 9:30 p.m. In a valiant attempt to be neighborly, I grabbed a flashlight and briskly set off across the lawn to fetch him. On the way, I stepped over a long silvery line in the grass. I realized what it was a split-second later. I shined the beam back onto this creature (who probably thought he could avoid humans at that hour) and I clearly saw a bulge in its middle. Yuck. Thank God for good foot placement.

None of these serpents were poisonous. And none of them were longer than 15 inches. They were probably all very young. A herpetologist would say that the presence of brown snakes and rat snakes indicates a healthy ecosystem, and would suggest that I should be grateful for natural control of the rodent population. There’s significant merit to these views, of course. Snakes were designed for a purpose. But my nerves don’t typically respond to logical arguments.

A quick Google search revealed that snakes in MD are most active in spring and fall, and they are biurnal.

Well, then. Now I know. Snakes. Night and day.

Evidence of what's out there. — Evidence of what’s out there.

I’ve been working hard to overcome this creepy mental obstacle – ignoring my bad dreams and reassuring my husband that I will continue to help with the yard work. But having serpents in the garden dulls its shine, doesn’t it?

Serpents are reminders that things are not the way I want them to be.

I want to see flowers, but not snake skins. I want cool shade and warm sunshine, but I don’t want to share them – with creatures who don’t have legs.

And it’s the way snakes have invaded my sanctuary that irritates me.

They are stealth. Quiet. Ugly.

They inspire fear.

They are not unlike the whispers in my head that slink into my creative thoughts and rob them of joy. You know the ones….

Why are you doing this?

You are not good enough.

No one cares about your point of view.

Your contributions are irrelevant.

There are so many other people saying and writing the same things.

You should give up.

Ignoring the serpent, setting him aside, or disturbing his surroundings with bold noise so that he’ll shove off and go elsewhere – is hard, hard work. And some days, pushing past his lies takes all the energy I have.

But we are called to be brave. We are called to be faithful to what we know is Truth.

So we move forward.

We cultivate our garden so its’ blooms overshadow anything ugly lurking within it.

Watchmen in a Lofty Tower

June 4, 2015

My second job after graduating from college was working for Chanel. Yes – the fashion company. I had majored in French and got my position as an assistant to the president because I would be answering many phone calls from France, and I needed to be prepared to launch into whichever language the caller preferred.

Anyway, one of my responsibilities was to cull through a stack of glossy magazines every morning until I found the Chanel ad. Then, I would place the open magazine on a stack in the president’s office for his review. (Now, if you’re thinking that this is beginning to sound like a job that’s a bit too simple for a college grad, you’ll be happy to know your line of thinking is right in line with mine. When I realized I wasn’t going to be able to hop departments, I took my perfume and cosmetic freebies, and a few heavily marked-down scarves and clothes, and politely scooted out of there in less than 6 months….but that’s another story.)

My point is this: at Chanel, we were selling a “look” and a “lifestyle.” Image truly was everything. Branding was the holy grail. Ad placement was critical to success and to maintaining the consumers’ faith that our products were superior, favored by a certain class of people, and likely to help users fit into that social niche as well. This is what targeting sales to a particular group is all about. You want your buyers to feel they are “in.”

Fast forward twenty years. I don’t have a single Chanel cosmetic in my home (I do have the scarves, I admit), but I’m still a consumer (and we all are) – just of a different sort. I don’t read many magazines…but here are the two currently on my coffee table:

I’m a sucker for these – Real Simple and Good Housekeeping. I even like the titles. I mean, really – who doesn’t want to “streamline your wardrobe and your space,” “get a discount on anything,” “clean anything,” find “great gifts,” have fun in the backyard, and make easy meals your kids will eat featuring roasted red peppers cut into star shapes???!! Me?!!? I’m doing all of this – this week!!

Right. Sanity break. Or mental break down.

So, why do I bring this all up? Well, those of you who read my blog regularly know that I write about my faith. And this morning, I was shuffling through the Word when I came across two passages which just really spoke to me. The first is this:

O Lord, our God, other lords than you have ruled us;

it is from you only that we can call upon your name.

– Isaiah 26:3

If we think we have “no other gods before Him” we are deceiving ourselves. How often have I allowed my desires to have the perfect home, wear just the right thing, or look a certain way to encroach upon or supersede entirely, God’s place of highest honor in my life and heart? This is a hard, hard question for me to face head on, because I have a long history of caring way too much about what others think of me. But I know that living like that, is living in chains.

The second passage is this one:

Every counselor points out a way, but some counsel ways of their own; Be on the alert when one proffers advice, find out first of all what he wants, For he may be thinking of himself alone; why should the profit fall to him? …

A man’s conscience can tell his situation better than seven watchmen in a lofty tower. Most important of all, pray to God to set your feet in the path of truth.

– Sirach 37: 7-8, 14-15

When I worked for Chanel, our offices were on the upper floors of a gleaming skyscraper overlooking Central Park in New York City. The taxicabs and buses below were miniature vehicles driving on gray lines around a green rectangle. Pedestrians resembled ants. From that vantage point, knowing we catered to an elite clientele, it certainly seemed like we were watchmen in a lofty tower.

But today I know – I don’t need watchmen – whether they’re conveying their counsel through magazines or over cups of coffee. Because, however well-intentioned or ‘fun’ it might be, the key for me is recognizing that I already have everything I need to make wise choices in my life. It’s about me, my conscience, and deepening my ongoing relationship with God.

Now that’s Real Simple.